(There IS A CONNECTION between this title/photo image and the text below. The title is NOT false click bait. But you must read to the end to understand.)

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It was a challenge from day one when Selah and Elias came to visit and play with my children, because they immediately and repeatedly crossed the boundaries of my older children, in particular. When I tried to mention it to my sister, Autumn, her hackles immediately went up—although later she had her daughter, Selah write an apology. It has been difficult over the past months to engage in open, honest conversation about the children, because Autumn is understandably sensitive right now as a single mother, and all eyes are on her—even her own eyes. Somehow she must measure up as a good mother, especially in light of the fact that her children are missing a father in prison, and they feel his absence very keenly.

I’ve always known Selah (especially) to be a huge “boundaries pusher.” I can lay down rules or express my desires, and then she will sneakily do the opposite. If questioned, she will often practice deception. Instead of being an “unloving or negative aunt,” I have simply chosen to rearrange our environment in such a way to prevent her from overstepping boundaries. In other words, instead of saying, “Don’t use the scissors to cut up cloth without permission,” I will simply conceal the scissors to prevent a conflict. Then she is forced to ask me for scissors if she wants them. Since I am aware of their use, then—I can actually supervise the event. This prevents misbehaviors and deceit to begin with. Everyone is happier all around, and I’m more in control of the situation.

But when I attempted to discuss Selah’s behavior with her mother, bottom line—the clear message from Autumn was, “my childrens’ behaviours aren’t up for discussion.” On the one hand, I have been accused of not setting clear boundaries with them—but on the other hand, if I do set boundaries that the children may ignore (and they DO ignore them), then I am at fault for not connecting with them on such a deep level that they would be persuaded to respect my rules.

I am not merely supposed to help with the job of babysitting. I must become a deep confidant—a precious and respected aunt to my niece and nephew. On the other hand, though, Autumn has also acknowledged that this is unrealistic, but it still pains her that I have been unable to deeply connect with her children.

Obviously I am already stretched very thin with my own children, especially because my three-year-old has special needs. I knew that Yisrael had autism from the day he was born. Not only does autism run in the family, genetically, but my youngest refused to nurse from the beginning.

After my baby Yisrael was born, he became extremely overwhelmed, because the milk did not let down in the first two seconds. He would go into full-blown sensory overload almost immediately and refuse to nurse at all. I had no choice but to put him on a bottle. I consider it a great success that he is a happy and healthy three-year-old today, and is making steady progress. I have successfully transitioned him to eating food, whereas some toddlers with his issues are compelled to use a stomach tube. He is still non-verbal, but is beginning to put sounds together. In general, he is a happy, growing child—already wearing size 4 clothes at age 3. When I have taken him to a specialist or doctor for some reason, I’ve been told, “Just keep on doing what you’ve been doing.” I make sure to hug, kiss and talk to my baby regularly, and he knows how much he is loved. He has started to come up and give me hugs and/or lay his head in my lap. So there is definite progress in his development! I’m satisfied with the progression. Obviously my mental energies are heavily devoted to him throughout the day.

When I do sit down to take a break, it’s because I really do need it. Physically, my health has gone downhill over the last 18 years, due to all the demands that I have been trying to meet. I’m no longer a young mother. I’m an old mother—and lately, my back and hip often slip out of place. My crazy caregiving schedule has screwed up hormones, plus blood sugar issues have caused me to gain weight. On the one hand, I’m accused of not practicing “self-care.” On the other hand, I’m told, “you are capable of so much more than you’re willing to admit or pursue/practice.” But I do the best I can, and try not to beat myself up over the things I cannot accomplish. I absolutely refuse to engage in self-depreciation or allow others to bully me into a state of shame.

So now—enter my husband Ben. Occasionally it was on weekends that I would care for Autumn’s children, and Ben was home from work. Ben has always connected well with children. Selah and Elias are desperately wanting a dad figure in their life, and so they latched onto him. Elias has called him “dad” before—and Selah has told him, “you don’t have two girls. You have three.” I could understand their growing attachment to him. It seemed perfectly natural. Usually their interactions with Ben have included my own children too—not just Selah or Elias alone.

There is very good reason why children connect easily with Ben. It’s because he genuinely cares about everyone, both young and old. Ben’s worst fault toward me is that he is often slow and not quick to reply and make decisions, which frustrates me because I process things much more quickly than he does. But when it comes to his character, he’s the closest thing to flawless that I’ve ever witnessed in a man. I have been married for 18 years, and not even once has he EVER moved against my person, against my will. He has never been violent, verbally abusive or coercive. He helps me with domestic duties. He has been as much of a servant to his wife as he is physically and emotionally able. Many people in Ben’s life have also been recipients of Ben’s goodwill and servanthood. He doesn’t give-to-get. He just gives. Period. He over-tips generously, even when there’s not much left in his pocket. He stops and puts 10 or 20 dollars of gas in someone’s else’s car, even when he’s not sure how he’ll buy his own gas next week.

(Autumn—actually, Ben is a lot like—YOU. I don’t know a better man.)

When Ben was a young man, instead of stuffing the pull-out drawer under his bed with porn magazines, he took his own money, purchased “back-up” items for his mother and sisters—stuff like soap, toothpaste, etc., and put them into the drawer. Money was really tight in their household, and he looked out for them the best way he knew how. He also loved to treat them in special ways. He would put candy into the drawer for them to enjoy, and he would also bring them chocolate and hot drinks on his way home from work. Likewise, since our marriage, Ben has always been quick to opt out of buying a drink or a sandwhich for himself, if such action was necessary to ensure that his wife and children were served first. And he’s always been quick to part with his own “treats” when he sensed that someone else might enjoy them more. When Ben was a young man, he also gave most of his earnings to help cover the mortgage on his parents’ house. And he once requested that the church split his tithe money between the five widows in the congregation. He also purchased flowers for these same five widows out of his own pocket.

Ben definitely has not restricted his generosity to his mother and sisters and wife and children. Once he saw some guys (friends of his) working up on the roof of a building, out in the cold. He went and bought them all cups of hot chocolate to drink. He wasn’t their boss. They weren’t his workers. But Ben’s heart has always been gold. After we married, I witnessed my husband buying doughnuts and taking them down to the guys who picked up our trash on their weekly route. Not only did Ben give them doughnuts, but he made sure to verbally express how much he appreciated their service. Their job was just as important to him as anyone else’s. Often when Ben has pulled a few dollars out of his pocket to bless the homeless on the street curb, he has also physically walked up and placed his arm around them, and prayed his blessings upon them too.

Now, I want to back up and explain some very serious things to you all. Things that Ben told me recently, that ended up with him in tears—even sobbing. I said to Ben, “would you please go write this down for me?” So here is what he wrote. Sometimes I could hear him sobbing in the other room, while he was writing. Ben does not cry easily. I’ve only seen it a handful of times during our marriage. The next few paragraphs below are uninfluenced by me—and written in Ben’s own words. I helped him to put a few sentences into a different order so it could be comprehended better. I also added quotation marks at the beginning and end of paragraphs, and I inserted the word “first” into the last sentence. But other than that, this is solely his writing.

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From Ben:

“I will always remember the day that I experienced that rejection of who I was. On the surface my parents who I know loved me deeply did everything right. Their church and everyone around them fully supported what they did. But that day I received a wound that never really went away. It was a wound that was reinforced periodically throughout my life by those I loved the most. Every time they stuck a knife in, the action was supported by every god fearing person around. I have remembered the day well for close to 40 years. I got up in the morning as about a 4-5 year old boy. I was wearing my underwear and trotted out to my dad who was sitting in the living room and hopped up into his lap like I had done many times before. But this time my dad gently told me that from now on you’re old enough that you really need to start wearing pants when you come out of your bedroom. But what he unknowingly said was ‘I don’t accept you as a person.’ There are aspects of you that are flawed and I find objectionable to the point I don’t want to see it or know about it. I expect you from here on out to keep from and hide from me what I don’t like about you. If you mess up don’t tell me about it because I only accept from you what I like. What is between your legs is not acceptable to me. It is a dirty, undesirable aspect of your being that I don’t want to have to look at. I really don’t love you as a person any more. I only love what I like about you.

“For me nakedness has never been about sex. Sex is only for my wife. In the context of my loved ones it is just me giving them access to my most innermost being. It is reserved only for those nearest and dearest to me. When someone is naked with me it is simply received as an expression of their love for me. I reciprocate that love by not not rejecting them. I accept them the way they are in their most vulnerable state. No matter how they look I accept them as a person. It confirms to me that they trust me and know that I am safe. I will never hurt them or belittle them when they are vulnerable with me. That is why in the home / family context I insist that clothing is optional. Our family must be the safe place to come home to. Where any member can share their most sensitive, vulnerable thoughts and aspirations with no fear of rejection. It is where a person who has failed can come for healing. It is where the weak can be strengthened and find courage to face the world around them. It is where the truth is safe.

“This morning I had to shed some tears as a very core aspect of my being has come into clear focus in a way that I had never really understood it before. Similar to the way that an autistic person would respond after they get diagnosed. Suddenly you find out that those things you’ve always been told were ‘defects’ about you are really just who you are. Not ‘less than’ or a broken and defective person to be disregarded and rejected by society. With every stab I tried to be less like I am and hide how God had made me. God didn’t make me defective he just made me different. I am not different in an evil sense at all. I am just among many others who like me are misunderstood as a child then wounded. We spend our life rejected at the very core of our person and try to hide it from everybody because we are misunderstood the minute we open our mouths. Our life experience is different from those in charge. If one of us is in charge it is because we have first learned how to step in line and just do like everybody else.”

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So there it is from my husband. And as I reflect upon his words, I realize that Ben’s experience is not isolated to him. There are at least two different group types of people out there. There are those who feel rejected when close family (especially) forces them to cover up and hide. And then there are those who would almost feel raped if you asked them to walk in the nude with you—just in order to feel loved and accepted as a person. I realized that such inner conflict has likely been experienced by my sister Harmony, too—because of some of the things she has said and done in relation to “flaunting” her body on Facebook—things that have mortified my mom (and maybe others? Not sure.) But I think Harmony just wants to be loved and accepted as a person. And she’s trying as hard as she can to accept herself.

Ben tells me that it is difficult for him to comprehend a person who says that they’ve never had a need to be physically transparent through nakednessness, in order to experience basic love and familial trust. It is so foreign to him that he cannot wrap his mind around it. If Ben is at home, traipsing around in the nude while he does chores, it makes him feel happy and self-accepting. The kids see him all the time. It’s like, “lah-de-dah—there goes dad again. It’s just who he is.” In our home environment, their dad’s nudity has become totally desexualized. I am exactly the opposite when it comes to my comfort levels around nudity, in general. I can’t imagine how nudity would achieve anything more than an uncomfortable feeling of self-consciousness.

I have never suspected pedophiliac tendencies in my husband. In similar fashion to my children’s desensitization of their father, he has been brutally desensitized against the nudity of children. I use the word “brutally,” because he says that dirty diapers are a “turn off” to him in any situation. And he has been changing dirty diapers on children for almost his entire life. He helped change dirty diapers on his youngest siblings, and he has helped me change dirty diapers on his own offspring for the last 17 years. He’s bathed children, dressed children, etc—all out in the open. No locked doors. My husband is not a stranger to nudity, in general. He recently was in a full-time caregiving job with me for three consecutive years. He helped me bathe, diaper and dress both of my grandparents in their old age. If it’s okay for a doctor or a nurse to see their (young or old) patients in a state of nudity, then this is the “camp” that my husband would fall into.

When Selah and Elias entered our home, supposedly “questionable” events began to unfold. I am only just now collecting all of the details and putting them into order. I was only slightly aware of some of it—definitely not aware of enough to feel that anyone might be in danger in any way, whether emotionally, physically or otherwise. So when I recount the details to you now, do not assume that I was aware of everything when it occurred. I am now piecing together various testimonies and lining it up with the things I recollect.

The very first questionable event that occurred was on a day that Elias randomly asked Ben out-of-the-blue to pull his pants down—just to get a view. “Please, uncle Ben, please!?”

Ben refused. Now, at this point of time in history, Elias wasn’t even aware of any “policy” regarding nudity in our house. As far as I know, he hadn’t seen any mature individual in-the-nude at our house, either.

Ben realized that SOME people might consider Elias’ behaviour to be a red flag. However, he also realized that Elias was desperately wanting a dad. Because nudity means “love, transparency and full acceptance” to Ben, he understood Elias’ need to establish his position in the family. He didn’t want to alarm Autumn, and he also didn’t want to discuss Elias’ desire for him to be a “dad figure” in his life, at that point. He sensed it was too sensitive a topic.

At one point later, Ben decided to go to his bedroom and lock the door. He wanted some peace to take a little nap. Then he heard Selah ask, “where’s uncle Ben?” Pretty soon his door knob jiggled. Selah got a butter knife, unlocked the door and jumped into the bed to get him out.

Somewhere around this time Ben told Autumn he’d just as soon not be forced to lock doors everywhere all the time. We don’t practice door-locking in our home, as a general rule, unless privacy is truly desired. Ben is never permitted to have a child in a room with him, behind a locked door. Ever. Not because I don’t trust him, but just because it’s good policy in general, to avoid accusations. When Ben asked about the door locking against her children, Autumn’s response was basically to this effect: “Oh, they’re not interested in experiencing that level of familiarity with you.”

Okay—so if they’re not interested, then no problem, right? Ben stopped locking doors, because on an emotional level to Ben, locking doors (by family) means rejection of family—unless there’s an explainable reason behind it. (For example: “I feel overwhelmed and need some peace and quiet. I need to take a break.”)

One day after that, Ben went to the toilet. Elias asked if he was in the bathroom. Then he realized on his own that the door was unlocked. He asked, can I come in? Ben indicated that he didn’t care one way or the other—so Elias said, “Uncle Ben, I’m coming in.” So Elias walked in and chatted casually with Ben for a bit, with the door open.

The next questionable encounter occurred when Ben had his underwear and a shirt on. He was standing in front of his closet looking for pants to pull on. Elias and Chavi came running in and suddenly pulled down Ben’s underwear. They had never done this before. Neither had Ben ever solicited it. Selah had also entered the room. When Ben pulled his underwear back up, both Selah and Elias started begging Ben to leave them off. He refused to comply. However, he did at this point make a statement to the effect that he only lets family see him in a state of undress. As far as we know, this was their first introduction to the “nude policy” in our home. (Autumn had been aware of it for some time—but not the children.)

Later that evening, after Autumn had arrived, the children started to prance around in less and less clothing, until they were down to their underwear. Autumn seemed embarrassed, but Ben told her not to stress about it.

In close proximity to this occurrence, there was a second time that they wanted to go outside wearing diapers. They were told they couldn’t run around outside like that, but should come in, if they intended to wear only diapers. Then the children all came in to play, and disappeared upstairs.

When Autumn arrived to pick up the children, Ben went up to the playroom to retrieve them. At this time, Selah had taken off her shirt, and she asked Ben to go naked with them. He returned, “you have to ask your mom about that”. Selah responded to this effect, “but you let your children see you naked! Why don’t you let us?” Ben still insisted that it wasn’t his decision, and he refused.

The next time they came over, the younger kids all attempted to strip down naked completely, almost as soon as they arrived, but I was uncomfortable and told them to go get some underwear on. When Autumn arrived, she told Ben that she didn’t mind the children running naked as much as she didn’t want any adults or adult children to be running around naked. It seems there may have been a time when Autumn walked in the front door shortly after the younger children had pulled their clothes off. Or maybe they stripped down after she arrived? The details are hazy. I can’t remember a time when I permitted them to run completely naked for very long, in their mother’s absence, without soon demanding them to cover privates up. It’s not who I am, and I don’t like seeing it. It just makes me uncomfortable. Again—not bad. It’s just who I am. (It’s typical for me to get nervous for anyone to exercise a “nude privilege” in the house, and even when Ben does, I often will run around pulling the blinds down.)

Later, on another day, I understand that Elias asked Ben to get naked when they were upstairs in the playroom. Ben refused, but the two five-year-olds (Elias and Chavi) managed to attack and pull his shorts down briefly. Elias protested when Ben pulled them back up right away. He wanted Ben to prance around in the nude for awhile. Elias insisted that Ben doesn’t cover up around his own kids, so why does he do it with them? Ben responded, “I love you, but I also love your mom—and she doesn’t want me to just run around naked with you.”

On Thanksgiving Autumn and the children came over. It had been a little while since they visited, if I recall correctly. Selah was on edge because she wanted to spend some quality time with Ben in the cold outdoors—but she wasn’t dressed for it. She became more unruly and agitated until Autumn mentioned perhaps just going home. I think it was during this visit that Autumn said something about Selah needing a “Ben fix.” Ultimately Autumn suggested that Ben go play with the children upstairs in the playroom.

Once they got upstairs, Selah proposed that they do a skit where Ben would be the dad and strip down to his underwear. Ben would sit in a certain position with a blanket over him. Then she would strip the blanket off, and he would act like he was embarrassed. Then she would say, “Don’t worry. We’re family.” Selah wanted to perform the skit downstairs in front of everyone, including her mom, and record it. (We’ve often recorded fun skits in the past.) Ben responded, “No, I really don’t want to do a skit like that on camera.”

At some point Ben told them he had to run down to the bathroom for a bit. (The children get agitated if he leaves their play without explanation.) Ben went to the bathroom and closed the door. About 30 seconds later, Selah, Elias and Chavi came running down to the bathroom, playing tag. They opened the bathroom door, and barely looking Ben’s way, they ran quickly around the room and headed back out again.

Shortly afterward, everyone went back downstairs. I was personally unaware at the time of everything that had transpired upstairs—but it was like a switch had flipped with Selah. She was totally different than she had been earlier. She was happy, calm and carefree.

The details are fuzzy, but over time there were a handful of incidents where the kids popped into the bathroom on Ben when he was in the shower or on the toilet like that. He noticed they were always much calmer, happier and better behaved afterward. It wasn’t necessary for them to see him naked—but just to feel that they had the “family freedom/privilege” made them feel more secure. Or at least this was the appearance of it. No one ever acted like there was anything sexual about it.

The next-to-last time that both of the children were over for a visit, the kids played with Ben for awhile. Something was bothering Selah. She deliberately grabbed handfuls of Ben’s beard hair and tried to pull it out. It was physically painful to him, and he realized she was under some kind of emotional anguish. When she left our house, she was still on edge and upset.

A few days later, Autumn dropped Elias off for a bit so she could spend some time with Selah. Ben says Selah was on edge and grabbed his hat and threw it into the snow, before leaving again with her mom.

On February 24, Autumn and the kids came over for my daughter, Angelica’s 15th birthday. At some point, Selah, Elias, Chavi and Angelica all went upstairs to play with Ben together for awhile. They played a blindfold game. While my 15 year old daughter was blindfolded, Selah began to repeatedly whack Angelica’s butt. Angelica didn’t know which child was the culprit, but she demanded that she stop because it hurt. Selah refused to comply and kept hitting. Ben also told her to stop, but she continued. Finally he pulled Selah away from Angelica.

Angelica took the blindfold off and asked who was hitting her. Selah lied and blamed Chavi, despite the multiple witnesses who were standing right there. Ben prompted her to tell the truth several times, before Selah finally admitted to Angelica that she herself was to blame—not Chavi.

Shortly thereafter, Ben suggested that they could wrestle. His challenge would be to keep his pants up. He made this suggestion because based on his past experience, this kind of action (as mentioned earlier) had seemed to result in a sense of security, a sense of belonging—and the calming down of their bad, out-of-control behaviors. In the past, Ben had never suggested such a thing. Such actions had simply been carried out against him, WITHOUT his stated permission or solicitation. Immediately Selah and Elias jumped eagerly into action. It took a bit for them to succeed in the mission. Ben testified that he had no sexual motivation when he suggested the game. Neither did he have an erection at the thought of it. However, a downward semi-erection was triggered by the pants coming down, over a period of time. At no point were his thoughts sexual in nature, and none of his privates were touched—only the waistbands of his clothing. He quickly pulled his pants back up, amidst the childrens’ protests for him to keep them off. (They preferred to hide his clothes—but he objected.) Then he reclined on the carpet without re-inviting them to repeat the process. But they weren’t finished, and proceeded to pull them down again. Upon which he quickly pulled them up again. Then the children calmed down and sat down to play with slime. Finally, they went downstairs to eat ice cream. (My daughter, Angelica, has verified the factual/witnessable aspects of this account to me.)

I was sitting on the sofa chatting with Autumn when Elias came downstairs. Autumn asked what he had been doing. If I remember correctly, Elias mentioned to his mother that they had been wrestling. Autumn said something like “Hmmmm….” Shortly thereafter, Ben and the rest of the kids came downstairs. They all seemed happy, calm and relaxed—no agitation that I could see.

The next morning my sister Autumn texted and told me that she needed to come over and talk to me about something. It turns out that she had discussed with her children what they had been doing upstairs, and details regarding the wrestling game were revealed. Selah felt that she would be happier if Ben enforced more boundaries with her, and she also indicated that her safe word “mercy” had been disregarded. (Selah was previously educated by her mother regarding sexual predatory and other objectionable behaviors.) I did ask Ben about the incident with the word “mercy.” He said that when he heard her say the word “mercy” during a group tickling/wrestling event—he backed off immediately because of its actual meaning. He did not realize it was a “safe” word that meant, “stop completely.” Selah did inform him finally of its meaning to her specifically—at which point he did stop completely. All was okay, then—no more “accidental infraction” on his part.

I do know for a fact that Autumn has had a practice with her own children of NOT locking doors against them. So a clear difference has been established between a true predator—versus innocent, familial nudity. At home, they can lock doors and have privacy if they wish. But nudity between the three of them has NOT been prevented throughout their young years. Therefore, they already associated a “loose modesty policy” with family privilege before Ben told them that we also operate this way within our family.

Nevertheless, Autumn was extremely sensitive against the suggestion that her own children’s upbringing might have anything to do with their behavior at our house. The unfolding of this story as I have written it here probably reveals more details than she is aware of—because of Ben’s previous hesitance to discuss Elias and Selah’s “dad issues” with her. Also, when we eventually tried to discuss the progression of events with her, and her children’s own behaviors, she became extremely triggered and couldn’t get through it.

I later texted my 15 year old daughter and asked, “Was dad touching Selah or anyone else with his privates? Was he purposely trying to turn them on? Or was it just a game-gone-amuck?” Angelica’s fast text response was “Definitely the last one.”

I have quizzed my oldest daughter who is very well educated about sexual abuse cases, whether or not she feels at ALL sexualized by her father. Her answer has always been a very adamant “no.”

As time passed over the next 24 hours (following the wrestling game), Autumn grew more agitated, saying that she would pursue counsel regarding the matter. She ended up counseling with two of my sisters, who then encouraged her to report Ben, just to be safe.

On the 26th, Autumn arrived at my house to let me know she had reached a decision to file a report. Later in the same day, a sister confirmed with me that the report had indeed been filed.

My question to Autumn is this. Should my husband feel guilty for not making Elias or Selah feel worthless, unwelcome or dirty, like he experienced as a child? In Ben’s mind he associates these things with rejection—and based on Selah and Elias’ continual push for nudity and unlocked doors, I believe his assessment that they fall into the same category—is the correct one. Ben’s childhood experience was traumatizing to him, and the last thing he wants to do to his niece and nephew is to traumatize them with further rejection—especially because they are already “acting out” in the absence of their birth father.

Because Selah and Elias have a constant tendency to push boundaries (even after honest discussion)—Ben had two losing options to choose from. He could either choose to inflict wounds of rejection on them through more extreme acts of physical resistance and install extra child-proof locks to shut them out. Or he could simply tell Autumn that due to the children’s insecurities and deep desire for a father figure, his role in their lives would have to be terminated, for his own protection. He would need to wound his niece and nephew by cutting the ties that they so deeply desired. Because he could personally relate to their issues of rejection, Ben was able to see and understand what they so desperately needed in the context of family security, and why they needed it—even when their mother struggled to comprehend the psychological value of it. Ben’s conflict was to choose between doing what he perceived would relieve the children’s inner conflict, or else choose to allay their mother’s fears regarding child predators. In a sense, he chose both right and wrong at the same time.

Good men will often appear to be “groomers” in the context of child care, because they are naturally good, caring, sensitive and generous. True predators have learned to imitate good men, in order to open the door to their own, selfish gratifications. The burden of proof is upon a good man to establish his innocent intentions. And yet, predators are master manipulators when it comes to attempting to establish their innocence.

Therefore, good men may be forced to cut out healthy, emotional family behaviors with their children and other family members in order to protect their own reputations—thus increasing the emotional distance between men and the offspring they were created by God to love and protect. This has got to stop. It’s hurting the children. And it is very likely contributing overall to an increase in child predators.

As my sisters well know, I had honest conversations on the phone afterward regarding the report against my husband. I’m not angry right now. I’m at peace. I love my sisters no matter what. They are well-intentioned.

Far too often our fears prey upon us and manipulate our emotions. Autumn, I remember when you were just a little baby—so sweet and compliant. You were a prime target for abuse, because you were too compliant. I kissed your little face often because I sensed that your love language was physical touch—even though it’s not mine. You thrived under those hugs and kisses! Ben remembers how broken you were when you told your father how rejected you felt when you were separated from your (now) ex-husband. You were sobbing when you confronted Dad about it later. You just wished your father had been there to put his arm around you and give you a big hug. But he wasn’t there. You felt abandoned by all of the close men in your life. When Ben put his arm around you a few times recently and gave you a small kiss on the forehead, it flowed out of a recognition of this rejection that you experienced. Ben’s love for you is brotherly—and definitely not manipulative, like you are now questioning. The abuse and rejection that you have experienced leads you to wonder if there really are any men that can be trusted.

Ben is a man of many gifts and talents. He has been highly sought after for his skills, but he has also been vastly underpaid. Sometimes selfish men take advantage of him. At other times, Ben lays himself on the altar for those who simply can’t afford to pay. Ben is more than a good man. He is a wonderful man, and a huge blessing to all of those people who daily suffer around him.

I am determined to expose the corruptions that actually do exist among us—among our churches and institutions. These corruptions are destroying so many lives—not just my own. I am determined to speak up and save us all from ourselves—and to save our children from the genuine lies that plague our society. I am determined to save our children from a miserable, lost and self-loathing existence. This emotional abuse that so many suffer under has gone on for long enough.

I also have a strong instinct to save all the men in our lives, who were once little boys. This action is critically important, because those little boys are growing up and becoming fathers to our children! If our men are deeply wounded and within the enemy’s grip, then these wounds affect our future generations. First, I want to address the male, physiological response when it comes to their physical erections. (It’s hard to believe that I’m forced to have a “sex talk” with the world right now—but it is what it is.)

First, the notion that sex is dirty must be completely dismantled. The notion that ANY part of our bodies is dirty must be dismantled. It must be acknowledged that young, innocent boys who have never been sexualized or molested may easily experience erections from toddlerhood. Innocent boys HAVE ERECTIONS. (Some seem more prone to it—others less.) There, I said it. Jesus himself would have experienced erections because he was a male child who became a male adolescent, who then became a male adult. Jesus felt “tingly” down there just like every other male. This happens to innocent, non-abusive, grown males— ESPECIALLY if there hasn’t been a sexual release/ejaculation for awhile. It can happen if a male pulls his pants down, or if he doesn’t pull his pants down. And it can happen to both the young and the old. There should be no shame in it, by itself.

The abusive mindset is a completely different subject. People start to get confused when we introduce this layer to the discussion regarding male sexuality, response and behavior. So I’m going to do something that has perhaps never been done before. I’m going to explain the abusive mindset and its relationship to “predators across-the-board.”

First, if your mother brings a beautiful cake home from the bakery, and she tells you, “this dessert is making my mouth water! It looks and smells so delicious,”—you won’t try to stop her from taking a bite. After all, the cake is hers.

Likewise, if your mother drives by a bakery in town, glances over into the display window at a cake and says, “That cake looks delicious,”—you will also find this statement to be acceptable—even if she doesn’t buy the cake or take a bite.

However, if your mother breaks into the bakery that night and steals the cake, or if your mother tells you that she persistently fantasizes about breaking in and stealing/eating the cake—then you are going to have some serious questions.

Similarly, If a man calls a woman beautiful or initially gets “turned on” when she walks into the room (even if it’s not his wife), this does not constitute lust. This is a physiological response to stimuli in his environment. Inordinate lust is when one person fantasizes about taking stimuli into their possession and using it for the purpose of self-gratification—even if it does not belong to them, and also if permission is not granted to them.

For example, if a man forces his wife to have sex when she isn’t ready, this action is not only abusive to the recipient of the abuse. It is ALSO abusive to the perpetrator. Many people do not understand this, but every time we commit an offense against someone else, malevolent spirits lay claim to us. This is because we have chosen to depart from the loving nature of God. Abusive urges are not hardwired into to mankind. Mankind is hardwired to love—not abuse. Mankind is hardwired to look out for one another. Mankind is hardwired to lay their lives down for one another, because they were created in God’s image. Babies do not enter the world desiring to wound others. However, we do all have the propensity to gratify ourselves at the expense of others. When we willingly choose to take that step forward into unlawful gratification, we turn our spirits over to the control of other spirits besides the Spirit of God. These “other spirits” are malevolent. They do not have our best interests at heart. They are often the source of our uncontrollable urges, intense feelings of outrage, abusive habits, and suicidal thoughts. The more often these spirits can persuade us to abuse one another, the more power they achieve over us—until finally we discover that we have no power left at all.

The myth regarding “vagina dentata” (the toothed vagina) is not actually a myth. It’s a figurative depiction of spiritual reality. EVERY SINGLE TIME that a man forces himself abusively upon a woman, he ends up with a wound of spiritual abuse upon his own soul. But the implications of this are so much broader. EVERY SINGLE TIME any of us takes unlawful advantage of another person in the area of business, or forced religion or abuse of power within government, or within the home—a spiritual wound is inflicted upon the spirit of the abuser—as well as upon the one being abused.

This is the reason why Jesus’ sacrifice was necessary on our behalf. If a price is paid in the spiritual realm, abused people can be set free. Jesus told his disciples that through fasting, they could also help him to set people free. When we willingly sacrifice ourselves for others, Christ’s righteousness may be applied to the release of an individual (or individuals).

Our clothing both dignifies and sexualizes the human body. It covers up imperfections in the human body and allows us to reimagine what is underneath. This is why clothing is a symbol of the righteousness of Christ. The righteousness of Jesus covers all our imperfections in the spirit realm. Clothing is a picture of the reversal of abuse that mankind has inflicted upon themselves.

Nakedness is not sexual, in itself. Clothing sexualizes the naked body because of the human body’s potential for sexual interactions. In all eighteen years of marriage to my husband, Ben has performed perfectly in bed—almost without exception. This is partly because I cover my body so well in general (therefore causing it to achieve/retain sexual appeal), and also because my husband refrains from masturbating to pornography. Objectifying people is not something that appeals to him, in general—because his goal is to view people as souls to value deeply. He prefers to view people as individuals to bless and uplift, rather than use for the purpose of self gratification. He lives this truth out in all aspects of his life, as many others can testify.

Abstinence from masturbation (at all times/situations) is NOT something we adhere to. We should refuse to gain sexual gratification from what does not lawfully belong to us. This is the key. Pornography and unlawful imagination opens the door to abuse from malevolent spirits, because it is an unlawful access. It is theft in the spiritual realm.

If a married man cannot physically achieve the release of his load without unlawful porn (to reduce sexual tension when necessary, and with permission from his wife when she is physically indisposed during illness, childbirth, etc.) then the man is likely being hindered by malevolent spirits. A married man should be able to think of his wife, and that is all it takes. A married man also satisfies himself in this way only when necessary to reduce outside temptation and help him to remain faithful to his wife. And he does so with his wife’s permission. (He does not habitually masturbate for his own pleasure, to the diminishing of his desire to be in bed with his wife. This action would also constitute unfaithfulness.)

The sexual tensions in an unmarried man should be satisfied without porn or imaginations. The minute a young man submits himself to the unlawful abuse of objectifying others, malevolent spirits will compell him to continue this behavior (of lustful fantasy) to achieve self-gratification.

If you wonder how Jesus could have remained sinless in regard to his sex life—this is the reason why. It is because He did not possess the thought life of an abuser.

People may also permit spirits to access their own children. If a parent rejects a child in their heart, then they give up their spiritual right as that child’s protector, and the child then becomes a spiritual orphan—without barrier against malevolent spirits.

Spiritual orphans often find themselves magnetically drawn to other spiritual orphans, because the malevolent spirits who guide them, successfully bring them together. This is why abused people often find themselves perpetually trapped under the boot of abusers. They can’t seem to get away. Their power has been stripped away from them, in the spirit realm.

Most people—(even those who call themselves Christians) do not understand the definition of sin as it relates to God’s law. Yahweh gives us the “code.” He lovingly shows us how to protect ourselves and others from malevolent spirits. The purpose of some laws is to do “damage control” when abuse has already occurred— whereas ceremonial laws are meant to paint a beautiful picture of our future deliverance (from the abuse that mankind has willingly submitted itself to.)

But mankind has turned and used God’s laws to perpetuate abuse even further! God’s laws of love are meant to liberate us, but instead, we use them to bind heavy burdens upon one another. For example, the “eye for an eye” law is guidance to ensure that we correctly understand God’s heart. No one with God’s heart will do harm to another person without correcting or reversing the harm that was done. If I break your lawn mower, I will attempt to fix or replace it, because God is love.

However, mankind has used this law to avoid God’s heart of mercy, saying that fair compensation must be the penalty at all costs. Such an approach is also against God’s law, even though it seems to be in conformity with it.

I have heard it said that when men do business, they should engage in a fair exchange. Don’t give something away for nothing. Make sure that you always line your own pockets in the process. But this is an abusive mindset. When I give my child a drink of water, I don’t always demand that the child scratch my back or give me a foot rub in return.

When we profit from someone who is going into debt to survive, we break God’s law (assuming we are “in the black” ourselves.) This is spiritual abuse. It is also abusive if someone inordinately jacks up their price just because they can get away with it.

Jesus was a lawbreaker (in appearance) because He didn’t perform the law to the letter. However, he was also the only one who kept the law perfectly, because he understood the foundational purpose of the law’s existence (as it relates to love versus abuse.) For example, It is against the law to work—to carry heavy burdens on the seventh day BECAUSE GOD BRINGS PEACE AND REST TO MANKIND. But Jesus healed a man on Sabbath and told him to pick up his bed and walk. Jesus understood that it would be more restful for the man to rise and carry his burden on that day, than it would be for him to remain sitting in his place of handicap until the sun had set and sabbath was over.

Some laws are set in place to prevent spiritual abuse at the core. “Thou shalt not commit adultery, bear false witness, kill, etc.” are critical to obey, so that we do not give Satan permission to abuse us and strip us of our power. But other laws must be analyzed at their heart before we decide how to use them. It may be possible to use them for good or for evil. For example there is a command for wives to submit to their husbands, and there is a command for us to submit to one another. And yet, Abigail refused to submit to her evil husband, Nabal, in order to protect her entire household from the king’s wrath. Malevolent spirits then took Nabal out, because he had refused to align his own actions with God’s heart. The judgment did not fall on Abigail for disobeying her husband. It fell on Nabal.

If a man does not protect the weaker ones in his care, he opens himself to attack. If those who are weaker refuse to allow the strong to protect them, then they also come under spiritual attack. This is because there is a character quality intrinsic to the nature of God Himself, that dictates that those who HAVE MORE should be generous to those who have less. Those who are strong should protect the weak, and those who are weak, should not be too proud to receive help.

It is not “a man’s world” for the reason that women are less smart or capable. Women are both smart and capable, and in many situations, they may actually outperform men. It is a man’s world because men are stronger. In order for women to achieve the same strength as men, they must set aside childbearing and adopt the historical goals of men to achieve wealth and power. There are too many women who feel this contradicts their destiny in life. Therefore women (collectively) cannot become more powerful and wealthy than men (collectively.)

Ultimately “only women will rule the world”because men are soon to discover that in order to achieve peace and well-being in the earth, they must first adopt the nurturing instinct of a mother. This is why Jesus compared himself to a mother hen who wishes to gather chicks beneath the wing—to comfort and protect them. The Body of Christ (consisting of both men and women around the world) is soon to leave their abuser, Satan. They will climb into bed with a REAL MAN who comes in the “dress of a woman”—Jesus Himself. I do not speak literally, but figuratively and spiritually. (Lil Nas X prophesies this spiritual change in his song, “Jailbreak.”)

When we gain power (to abuse) from an abuser, this is a picture of the strong “sleeping with the strong” in order to magnify their power. (This is pictured in the song “Montero.”) When the “weak are in bed with the weak” this depicts the failure of the strong to empower and strengthen the weak.

When women stop trying to be like men, and men begin to follow the nurturing example of women instead—only then will we finally achieve peace and love in the earth. This is why it is prophesied that a woman will crush the head of the serpent. When the Bride of Christ finally bears spiritual children and “brings in the great harvest of souls,” then Satan will be overcome.

In the beginning, God walked with mankind in the garden as a friend, not as a king to forcefully exert himself over His creation. Yahweh has given man dominion over the earth as a fundamental human right. He never asked Adam to pay for his land. He only expected him to be a good steward of it. Neither should we have to pay for the land that we develop or gain basic resources from, such as timber and rock to build our homes.

When legislators and man-made institutions strip us of our fundamental human rights and require us to pay for things that should be free, this is the work of malevolent spirits operating through abusive men. But the abuse extends beyond human governments to our religious institutions. Any time a leader uses law to increase his own power over mankind, he gives malevolent spirits control within those institutions. Every time a leader silences a fellow brother because he feels his own power is threatened—he rejects the role of spiritual leader and becomes a spiritual abuser instead. He turns his entire congregation into a brood of spiritual orphans. A true father will always lead like a mother who serves her children. A true father will never take advantage of an opportunity to oppress and afflict and exert undue power over his child’s decisions. He will lead through good example. He will guide. He will instruct. But he will never fear the loss of power, because the domination of others is not his goal.

This type of servanthood should extend into the home. Neither men nor women should lead through force, but through loving example. Unnecessary boundaries should not be erected in the home—only those that exist to protect and facilitate the children and their well-being overall. Establishing laws to “show who is boss” or even to subjectively establish dominance over a child’s spirit—is abusive. It opens the child to malevolent spirits. Heavy expectations should never be placed upon children in regard to performance. Is the child doing their best? Are they enjoying life in the meantime? Do they feel loved and affirmed, even if they fail according to another person’s standards? These are the questions we should be asking ourselves.

Shortly after my husband was reported, on February 26, two of my sisters urged me to instantly seek refuge at a crisis center and to take advantage of government aids. They reminded me that my children are behind on their education, and if we come under investigation, I could be viewed as negligent. I stopped for a moment and contemplated my situation. Why are my children behind on their education? Is it really my fault? Or am I actually the one getting screwed over by the system, because it’s not tailored to serve me? Does the system really care about me, as a person? Or is it abusive—demanding things of me without truly enabling me to perform them?

I never had any intention to be a bad homeschooling mom. My own mother was a public school teacher with a degree in education. She homeschooled all of her own children. But poverty has been the lot of me and my husband since the day we married. If I wrote down all of the details here, it would be a mile long. Suffice it to say that Ben has always been a diligent worker, but the pay was never sufficient. We often had only one working vehicle, and paying for child care (so I could work a job) would have canceled out most of my income. Every single excuse we gave for poverty was met with the reply, “you’re just making excuses.” My husband has almost always been self-employed, but we haven’t been one of the “lucky ones.” His income was still low enough that he was unable to hire someone to do data entry on the records for his business. Every year he needed to borrow money to live on so he could complete data entry for the year, so he could file taxes and receive our earned income tax credit. Since 2016, he was unable to borrow the money and take time off work to do the necessary data entry. For the last nine years we forfeited those earned income tax credits because we were unable to file our taxes. Without income recorded, it made it difficult to access government aid. It was a daily life-and-death struggle just to get the money scraped together that we needed, and we couldn’t even take the necessary time off to get records together. Finally an extended family member (through marriage) agreed to help with the data entry, with expectation of getting paid back through our accumulated earned income tax credits, on the tail end. But the “delay-in-pay-promise” meant that our papers sat almost untouched at her house for the last several years. You see, people offered plenty of suggestions and advice and criticism—but provided very little actual help.

Sometimes an individual would offer a little help in one small area. But it was never enough to change the big picture. Whenever I tried to explain the big picture to someone, their response was to try and bully me into a state of shame.

My children have learning challenges that caused me to realize they need substantial one-on-one help to get through the educational process. I did put my daughter into school for a year, and she struggled to the point where I felt it would be abuse to put her through another year of it. She lost sleep. She gained weight. She wasn’t learning properly. She wasn’t happy with it. Whenever I researched for government assistance in my location, a true solution was not available. Private tutors were out of reach for us financially. I always hoped that the “next day would be better.” That the next week I would finally be able to pull their education off. I’ve always had an actual plan in place. My children did progress—just not as fast as would be ideal. My sisters know that this last year I did finally give up on myself, because the demands on me with my youngest child are too huge. I have already been trying to “part out” my children to different relatives, so my children can get the one-on-one educational help that they need. My seventeen year old is staying with his grandmother now and has progressed through multiple grades in only four-five months. (He just passed the written test for his driver’s permit.) I placed my 12 year old to learn with the same grandmother—but teacher and student weren’t compatible in his case, partly due to his selective mutism. I will have to “try again” with him, but I know I can’t just throw him into a public school, if his own grandmother can’t succeed as his private tutor. My 15 year old is an avid reader and artist. She reads on a college level, but she needs help with math and punctuation. I have a sister in Texas who is willing to help her.

However my 15 year old, Angelica, has some concerns with leaving her own parents. She feels that she won’t be permitted to “be herself” under my sister’s roof. Once, when she spent time there, my sister was “pushy” and bought her a bunch of clothing that wasn’t her personal style. Angelica prefers a loose and comfortable style—long sleeves and baggy shirt tops—but my sister prefers her to look more neat and orderly—even fashionable.

Now that my youngest sister, Autumn, has reported Angelica’s dad for the incident which occurred on her birthday, Angelica struggles to trust anyone ever again. Autumn is her favorite aunt, and she readily and recently unburdened her deepest woes to Autumn, in confidence. These “woes” include things like being unable to spend the quality time with her parents that she would like. She wants to go places, do things, get out in the world more. She wants her parents to facilitate her in these things.

When Autumn was in process of contemplating placing a report against my husband, the conversation was also brought up about how our children don’t connect with their parents. Angelica was horrified and felt betrayed, because in fact she does have an open, honest line of communication with her parents. She sends me links to her research and the videos she watches on an ongoing basis. I can demonstrate this through our phone texts. She does not fear her parents, and because of this, she hides nothing.

EXCEPT—sometimes she hides how upset she feels because she wishes she could “get out more” and “do more.” She feels bad about pushing for things, because she knows it’s out of her parents’ capability to change the life that we have been forced to live—with hardly any extra money to work with. After all, why ask for a daddy/daughter or mommy/daughter date—when her own parents often can’t even carve out time to go on a date together?

Its not that we never treat the children at all. They do receive gifts. We celebrate birthdays and holidays—but they want to go on a vacation. They want to go boating. They want to go to family reunions and travel to other states. Time constraints due to work schedules, the complications of caring for special needs children, and lack of extra transportation has inhibited our social life, over the years.

Now Angelica is afraid to open up and share with anyone, for fear that sharing her emotions will only come back to bite her. I had to explain to Angelica that this type of abuse is what she has been spared from by having Ben and I as her parents—but when she gets out into the “real world,” she will discover abuse and betrayal around every corner.

Let me elaborate on that statement. Human nature, when it is warped and twisted—demands that everyone fit into molds that God never intended. We feel that we have to control the things that people wear, see, hear and eat. We have to be in charge of the doctors that people choose, the paths of education that they take, and the ways that they vote. We make ourselves miserable trying to control everyone else’s personal narrative—as though our own lives depended upon it. We fight for our lives to the death, because whoever has the “upper hand” in society will inhibit our own choices and personal opportunities.

What is actually important to God, though? He wants us to love one another, forgive one another, lay down our lives for one another. This should be our focus. If we are rich in wealth, he wants us to distribute our goods to the poor, until poverty no longer exists anymore in the earth—not anywhere. Our churches have failed. Our leaders have failed. We as a people have failed.

Let Love divide us. Not hatred. Hatred divides and pitts evil against evil, so that the entire “kingdom” falls. Love divides good from evil, so that all that stands on the solid rock will remain standing. Only true evil will be washed away.

The nakedness of the poor and needy is not being covered. The nakedness of the children with deep wounds of rejection is not being covered.

Jesus hung naked on a cross, and the prophet Isaiah walked naked and barefoot for three years. So if Jesus isn’t running naked around you, my friends—then you’re not on the inside track yet. You’re not seeing him clearly.

My next sentence may come as a shocker, but there is a whole camp of people out there who will be able to relate—who understand that the freedom to love another person regardless of their flaws, can indeed be facilitated by letting your pants down in a literal sense. There have been two times in our family history where our children were encouraged to sit in a nude circle to help them to resolve anger and deep conflict with one another. The children have always known they could “opt out.” Their own mother always opted out, with verbal objection in front of the children. (Sorry, it’s just not my thing, and I have always, always made sure that my children weren’t forced to do things like that if they didn’t really want too.)

So which group is the “mentally off” group? Neither side is. This difference between us is as God-given as the difference between male and female. It’s another thing meant to test us and to challenge our ability to see deeper into one another, than merely on the surface level. If we can’t see deeper than the surface level, then shame on us. That being said, however— I would venture to say that if church leaders from all denominations could find it within themselves to willingly strip down nude in a circle and apologize to one another for their pride and division, it would likely be revolutionary.

I have always been a proactive person. I do not prefer to bully, control or manipulate people, but rather—to challenge them. Back in 2017, the Lord showed both me and my husband that huge changes were coming to America. We had waking/open visions. We had dreams, and my husband was taken to walk in the spirit. Beyond my husband “tasting” a few cigars, we have never experimented with drugs in our lives—not even cigarettes or marujuana. Neither did we attempt to manipulate things in the supernatural. Furthermore, our children began to have dreams and visions which corroborated the messages we received. These things happened TO US, and were not sought out BY US.

What was the overall message we received? God was on the warpath against his churches—against those who have been “living His name in vain.” Around the time of the Great American Solar Eclipse of 2017, He led my husband to send copies of a letter to the leaderships of 700 churches across the entire USA. The actual mailing occurred on September 21 and 22 of 2017.

All of these leaders were instructed to meet my husband in Salem, Illinois—70 miles north (as the crow flies) from the intersection of where the 2017 and 2024 total solar eclipses crossed. (X marks the spot.) These leaders were to gather together and repent for their discrimination against the poor—for not reaching out a true hand to the needy. These leaders were to repent for not bringing true rest and relief to humanity.

Not one leader from the 700 churches showed up to repent of their discrimination and disobedience.

I should also mention that April 8 (the 2024 solar eclipse date) is also the wedding anniversary date of my sister, Autumn and her now X-husband, as well as the birth date of my niece, Eliana.

My understanding is that God is divorcing every one of those leaders who bears His name, but who does not live the way Jesus lived. (Any leader who lines their own pockets with wealth and power to the hurt of the poor and needy—is committing adultery against God. God represents Himself to us through the poor; therefore, to neglect the poor is to be unfaithful to God Himself.)

Autumn’s husband was a pastor who was well loved for his charismatic personality. But on three different occasions, I asked him for help with the poor and needy. One elderly lady needed a new hot water heater in the dead of winter. Another person—a drunk man—needed a ride home in the freezing cold, snowy dead of night. The third test for him was a couple who needed groceries. In all three cases, Autumn’s husband—a pastor—failed the test. Three times my requests were turned down. Ben and I met the need three times, on this pastor’s behalf, instead—to our own hurt. Ultimately, we were happy to meet the needs, even though our own resources were more meager than the church coffers.

Shortly after this pastor failed the test, hell fire began to burn him up from within. What does hell fire look like? For those who are self righteous, it looks like an extreme obsession with legalism and perfectionism. This obsession literally tears the individual and their environment apart, because it’s demonically influenced. “Justice is taken to such an extreme that it becomes destructive. It is righteousness without mercy or logic. It is righteousness on steroids. It is “vampire blood-sucking” to an extreme degree—and in the Last Days, it eventually goes viral.

Autumn’s husband insisted that he must ditch all of his worldly goods and traipse across the country, preaching on foot—dragging his wife and children behind him, to their own hurt. He lost the natural protective instinct. Autumn’s husband went off the rails, and those things he had judged others for, suddenly became his own, dire lot. He had previously judged a couple for making payments on a red truck. So later, in his state of delusion, he went and bought a red truck. He used scripture to defend his extreme actions. This is Satan sitting in man’s temple—the human body—and declaring himself to be God. This is hell fire, my friends—and our country will soon burn with it. Satan will take back everything that he gave to the compromisers—and he will take it back at their own hand.

This is the Age of Aquarius. It was prophesied long ago in Daniel 9:22-27 that 70 “weeks” from the command to rebuild Jerusalem, that Righteousness would finally come to earth. Theologians understand that 70 “weeks” means 70×7 (490) years. Suleiman the Magnificent began the process of rebuilding in 1536. We are now in the correct timeframe for the fulfillment of this prophecy.

One reason why so many church leaders may not comprehend the timing of Daniel’s prophecy, is because it grants too much importance and significance to a leader who is not “of their own people.” Why would God task a Muslim to rebuild the walls of the Holy City? Unthinkable. And yet, it was also under Persian leadership that the walls were rebuilt the first time, thousands of years ago.

Folks, many Christians don’t believe that God speaks to anyone but themselves. It’s not true. God has given signs to you through many 20/21st century artists/prophets, both Christian and pagan. They are all speaking for Him, even as Balaam spoke for Yahweh— but the sound of silence has been pervasive. (People see without seeing. They hear without hearing.) In the latter part of 2023, I asked both of my brothers for some financial help. My Christian brother said he would give me $500 if I met his checklist of controlling requirements. (If he really understood my life, he would realize the incompatibility of his suggestions.) On the other hand, my non-religious brother said he would literally sell one of his vehicles if necessary, to help me. But he wanted me to ask my wealthier, Christian brother for help first.

My Christian brother failed the test. My non-religious brother passed it.

Folks, God is angry with the churches. He never condoned legalism which divides. It is the Spirit of God which binds us all together in love and unity. Therefore, if love and unity is absent—then there is no Spirit of God in your midst. The Spirit of God may be wandering through your congregations and tickling your hearts, but he is not depositing His Seed. 1 John 3:9 states, “Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.”

Perfect agreement with one another is not sinlessness—but perfect Love in the midst of disunity IS UNITY AND PERFECTION. Sinlessness is possible only when your DEEP LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER covers a multitude of sins. Did Jesus have unity with the Father when he asked, “If it’s possible, would you please not make me drink this cup?” Jesus did not want to die. And yet, He did it anyway—for you and for me.

Perfect Love is unity, even if our hearts, our minds and our feelings aren’t quite 100% there. Because on another level—on a higher, spiritual level—we ARE THERE. We are there, because the seed of the Holy Spirit is within our hearts. And that seed is Love, because God is Love.

If we have Love, then we know God—but if we do not have Love, then we do not know Him.

In the account of “The Little Mermaid” the prince has three days to kiss Ariel before the sun sets—or else their whole world falls apart. Three strikes and you’re out! My friends, our “three days” is expiring. We have experienced three signs/ages since the beginning of recorded history, 6,000 years ago. We also have experienced almost three (sets of three) years (3 figurative days) since the rise of Donald Trump began to split our country down the middle in a way that we haven’t experienced before in America. The rise of Donald Trump in 2016 was meant to shake us all awake and bring us into a spiritual reformation. Nine years “in utero.” Nine years to the new birth.

Our leaders have not kissed us yet. They don’t understand how to “kiss” the poor, the lowly, the forgotten ones—the ones who constantly “live under the sea of great affliction.” Wealthy Republicans in power today don’t understand it. Wealthy Democrats in power don’t understand it. The way that I know if someone actually loves and cares about me, is if they’re willing to use their OWN money and resources to help me, even if it hurts them somehow. This is how I love others, and this is how I expect others to love me. It’s the true way of Jesus.

Those who are privileged are “not of our world.” Those who actually have the resources and ability to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps” cannot understand the dilemma of the underdog. Those of us who have “lived under the sea” are better equipped to walk by faith upon the water—but those who do not suffer in such ways, cannot comprehend financial lockdown. This is why Jesus said that it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven, than it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.

Republican and Democrat voters are like two prostitutes who have been in bed with an adulterer. In a sense, together we are the legitimate “wife” of those in power. The government is supposed to look out for us and take care of us. But instead, they have been prostituting us unto themselves. Instead of recognizing our true enemy for who he is, the two parties have attempted to poison each other and kill each other with lies or malicious words and actions. The more we are divided against one another, the weaker we become. In the meantime, the adulterer increases his own power, daily.

It is “happy death day” to those of us who are subject to his power. Every day we die, over and over again. It is a living death. For those of us who are poor and sick and/or overburdened, this can feel like hell on earth.

The only way for us to terminate our perpetual “death day,” is for us to sing the “sinful melody” and engage in the subterfuge of Jacob against Esau. We must band together as the true angels of God and claim the blessing for ourselves. True democracy on earth is when we allow God to crown all of us as His kings and queens, in the spiritual realm. We must begin to live according to His Kingdom principles, instead of earthly kingdom principles.

What are the principles of the earthly kingdom? Esau perpetually brought wild meat to his father’s table, in his father’s old age. Therefore, he was more highly favored than Jacob. Right now, this symbolizes those in power who control our food supply. Those in power control our jobs and shape our economy.

But God has not ordained that those who are currently in power, shall remain in power. In the end, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first. But there is one requirement upon us. We must believe that God himself will protect us. We must have faith to believe that God will provide for us—even if the Esaus of the world come after us to destroy us. Even if Pharaoh with his Egyptian army follows us to the border of the Red Sea.

We must have faith to believe that God will truly act on our behalf, that He will “part the waters for us” in the day of our deepest desperation. We must be willing to step out and minister our love to others, even when we feel a deep lack ourselves. And we must be willing to forgive our enemies before they apologize.

Understand that you will fall into the crosshairs of the enemy, when you begin to draw strength from the Higher Power of your Creator. But it is YOU who are given power over the principalities of darkness—over the prince of the power of the air, who seeks to abuse and control the minds of men. You are given the power of a demon lord. When you “gouge out your own eye” and deny yourself both lawful and unlawful gratifications, you will be given the power over darkness itself. When you tell Satan “No! You are not my father,” then you take back the reigns of your own life. You become “human incarnate,” meaning that you help Jesus to take back all that originally belonged to mankind in the Garden of Eden. You take back the keys of your own kingdom. You take humanity back out of the hands of the abuser. Ultimately, you will be granted power to reactivate and repossess the Tree of Life—a symbol for the power of physical regeneration, which we shall soon re-obtain through merit of the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf.

The one who joins God’s army (to possess the blessing and birthright) joins Jesus as His true, firstborn son. These are the “last-day firstfruits of the harvest.” These are a pure offering unto God, or the 144,000 “sons” of God who deny Satan as their father and usher in His Kingdom. It is time now to ride Jesus’ magic carpet—the carpet of true rest and liberation. It is time, as children of the Son—to take back the night. It is time to begin following our hearts, because our hearts will finally be changed and subjected to the Spirit of God. Our garments will be white, because they are finally dipped in the red of genuine sacrifice.

It’s time to put on the robe of Christ and counter those who have been crucifying Christ every single day. When we crucify the poor, and the weak and the abused, we crucify Him all over again. The abusive seed of the serpent has been spread across the entire earth for 6,000 years now. It’s time for us to rise up, fight back, and start spreading the Divine seed that Christ purchased twenty centuries ago! Friends, we have $20 in the pocket now. The number twenty means “redemption.” It’s time to secure “Grandpa’s and Grandma’s robe” by leaving the 99 behind. It’s time to start possessing the inheritance!

Two fallen angels hung beside Christ on his cross. One of them joins him now to create paradise on earth. I am your Lady in Red. Like Jesus, I have loved you and have sacrificed unconditionally in order to cast out many unclean spirits of abuse—and now you will become Jesus’s young superhero. You will spread Light and Life to all corners of the earth. It pleasured me to fast for you, for 69 days, so that you could be sealed with the heavenly seal. (I have performed many other fasts for you, also.) This is also your superpower—to pleasure yourselves by sacrificing yourselves for one other—by dying “little deaths” for one another. You will climb the mountains. You will ford the rivers for each other. You will bring the provisions down from Heaven, upon Jacob’s ladder—because you are children of the Lord.

It is twelve years until our full power and authority on earth arrives, my friends. The Revelation 12 child is fully birthed in spirit after 9 years—so we are almost there. The bulk of time is behind us. This birth is now in progress. The most difficult days are still ahead of us, but don’t give up! We are God’s angels. It is time to speak the sword of truth. It is time to trumpet the message which divides wheat from chaff. Which side are you on? “Step this way. Step this way!”

The voice of Hagar cries loudly in the wilderness. Her child perishes for lack of the Water of Life, which causes us to never thirst again. The father is like a drunk who neither sees nor hears his child. He wears a condom upon his ear. Our leaders get high on power. They hand us wedding rings—but our wedding to them has been a black wedding. So many participants have refused to go home to Jesus, in spirit and in truth. They prefer to possess the power of kingdom on earth, without getting their spiritual “houses/temples” cleaned up first.

Jude writes of certain leaders, “These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever. And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him. These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantage.”

Our leaders fall into two separate categories. Some are truly greedy and heartless. Others are the clueless and naive—the misguided ones. Those who are naive are REDEEMABLE—IF the underdog is willing to show them a better way. Jesus had no place to lay his head, and yet, he somehow managed to show the world what true love really looks like.

We do have one power that cannot be stripped away from us, no matter how poor we are. We can show Jesus to the world. We can be the first ones to forgive. We can be the “better man.” Our church leaders are floundering like poor men lost at sea. Our legalistic parents and our legislators—those who burden us with rules that God never intended— they don’t know how to swim. They read about love, they sing about love, they preach about love—but they don’t know what true love looks like.

The “Ariels of the sea” will have to show many true leaders how to swim. Ariel will have to take her own voice back and start singing, before it is too late to make a difference. Our Prince Charming is under the spell of the evil one. We must rise up and bring the true Kingdom of Christ to earth—the Kingdom which does not govern through force.

The leaders of 700 churches live in ease. Their tables are full. Their beds are soft. They are like Jonah. They have been called to sell and give to the poor. Yet they continue to sleep in their vomit, in a boat that rocks as the storm rages all around them. These leaders are Judases who have betrayed the weak and innocent.

My children, I call you now to fall in love with Judas. Amaze Judas with the power and the sincerity of your love. Astonish him with the fierceness of your kiss. Like a tigress on a hunt, take him down! Wash his feet with perfume, and so prepare him for the “little deaths” that he is soon to die for you. Many fallen angels will wash the feet of the strong ones who have betrayed you. The church has been committing adultery. Judah has been unfaithful in bed. The poor have little to offer in the way of privilege—but those of you who are poor in spirit are the ones who will take our leaders safely home into the arms of Jesus.

The poor have not been without fault. Many have abused the rich in their hearts and minds, and in their speech. Many would willingly engage in self-gratification (without love) against the wealthy. This too, is adultery. Nevertheless, your hearts will now be changed, and you will be enabled to love the unlovely.

Your reformed Judas will be betrayed by another Judas—so love him well, while you are able. Judas will choose to die for you at the hands of betrayers. And you will also die a living death, because you have chosen to love him. These are the last days. These things are necessary to usher in The Kingdom.

Many mighty stars will soon plunge into the waters for cleansing. This will be the end of Satan’s world.

On June 30 of 2018, I uttered a declaration of deliverance for you all, after 69 days of fasting. I declared an end to all unholy divisions and an end to all racism. On this date, many were sealed with a heavenly seal. That very same night my fourth child was conceived after a significant period of infertility. I named her Chavelah Shalom. The meaning of her name points us to Life and Peace.

The beginning of my (greater) pregnancy period with Chavelah Shalom started on Kendrick Lamar’s 31st birthday—on June 17, 2018. It so happens that Kendrick Lamar was in utero when my sweet baby brother died at age 13 months on February 24, 1987. At seven years of age, I looked up into the clouds many times and prayed earnestly for the resurrection of my baby brother, Timothy. I loved and missed him so much!

Around eight or nine years ago the Lord struck me in my spirit, and I began to weep. He told me that He would begin to answer my prayer regarding Timothy’s resurrection by raising up a huge army—a Revolutionary army to bring in his kingdom. (The name “Timothy” means “Honoring God.”)

A few weeks ago, the “a” string snapped twice on my oldest son’s violin. It took longer than we had hoped to re-string it so he could resume his music lessons. But he’s finally back to playing his violin again—this week.

God’s people have been broken for far too long—but no longer! It’s time to take up the faith of a child and fight back! I’m here to help you take down the real pedophiles, my friends—the abusers who prey upon the weak and the innocent. It would be better to face a bear in the woods than to continue forever under the kiss of abusive systems that dangle sugar daddies before our noses—yet steal our very souls.

People who are controlled by malevolent spirits need government. I’m not afraid of government, because I AM government. I am able to govern myself without malevolent spirits at the helm of my ship. I know how to live, laugh and love. You also will learn to govern yourselves through power of the Holy Spirit, so that you will be ready for an ever greater public service in the day of your release—after Jericho has fallen. All of these words that I write to you here today is my way of hitting the “big red button” on the game controller and telling Satan, “Checkmate. You’re screwed!”

I have a gift for you, my children. Since around October of last year, I have been putting together a playlist of 169 videos for you, titled “The Great Divorce.” It represents an audio/visual to help bring clarity to Jesus’ revolutionary message. It also demonstrates how so many of us have carried a “piece of the puzzle” all along—but if you don’t put the pieces together, and put them into practice—we still remain inadequate as the Lord’s army.

Many of God’s prophets have been shutting out messages from one another. They claim this is necessary for them to hear God more clearly, and yet, God’s message to them has been falling upon their own, deaf ears. The reason why I hear God is because I have tuned out NO ONE. Not the least person, nor the greatest person. Not the sinner. Not the saint. Not the rich, and not the poor. Not the Republican, or the Democrat. This is a lesson that you all must learn, my dear children. You must learn to hear the voice of God through everyone around you. He even speaks through the rocks and through the mouth of the donkey, when His people fail to honor Him.

Don’t fail to watch the playlist I have prepared for you. The video playlist must be watched in order, from top to bottom, or else the message is lost. Ideally you will find a way to watch the playlist ad-free, because the compilation is around 10 hours long, even without ads. Another thing to consider: Ads may hinder comprehension of the message. Try to watch for multiple hours at a time. Grab some popcorn and call it a “movie day.” I will post a link to the playlist below.

I am publishing this message on the 8th day of Adar (on the Hebrew calendar.) Six years ago, on this same date, my nephew Elias was born to my sister, Autumn—only hours after I had just given birth to my daughter, Chavelah Shalom (on the 7th of Adar.) This was the year 2019.

In the year of 2019, both the 7th and 8th days of Adar shared a space on the 14th day of March. So the “twin cousins,” Chavelah and Elias share the same birthday of March 14. This year, March 14, 2025 is marked by a full blood moon, or total lunar eclipse—and it starts the three days of Purim on the Hebrew calendar. These three days represent a time when Esther’s sacrifice enabled the Jews to fight back against a bloody genocide, led by the evil leader, Haman.

On the night of my nephew, Elias’ birth (March 14, 2019), his brain began to bleed immediately with an aneurysm. He was placed into intensive care, and it was expected that he might not live. If he did manage to survive, he would likely remain a vegetable.

But God was merciful. After three days, Elias’ father laid hands upon him and prayed for his healing. The bleeding stopped and his brain was miraculously repaired.

Now, it should be remembered that Elias’ father was under the control of malevolent spirits. These spirits caused the brain to bleed—and yet, in the end, by the grace of God, there was a miraculous repair. So also shall America bleed for three more spaces of time, after the spiritual revolution has been birthed. You my children, are the antidote. You must lay peaceful hands upon the world and you must speak the great truth which divides. You must bring as many people into God’s Ark of safety, as possible.

For a time it will seem as though all is lost. It will seem as though many leaders are doomed to a vegetative state. They will be controlled by malevolent spirits. In reality, this is only a time of purging. It is temporary. Numbers 5:11-31 is soon to be performed against all leaders in the earth who have committed adultery against God by abusing His creation. When we have first sacrificed and laid ourselves on the altar for the world—and then we feed our abusive leaders the truth, this truth will become like bitter water in their bellies. It will be like poisoned food. Their power will be cut off. Their strength will fail—and in the end, they will no longer be enabled to propagate abusive seed. The seed of the serpent shall be cut off forever. They shall no longer be remembered in the earth. They will become like missing persons, whom no one misses at all.

Catch the candle and spread the light, my fellow archangels! Become the true voice of Jesus in our perishing earth. Salvation depends on you now. You must bring miraculous provision from heaven to earth. Don’t forget that Jesus promised someday we would do greater things than He ever did! The sky is the limit—but you MUST follow the lead of His Holy Spirit. You must not operate on your own. If you try, you will fail.

Those who are faithful to the end shall receive their reward. We shall yet experience our “heaven on earth,” even as Jesus enables us to make all things like new again.

I’ve been holding your hand in the spiritual realm, my dear children. It’s been a long way down to the bottom of the river. It’s time to come up for air. Breathe. Jesus has been waiting patiently for you.

And don’t forget to find and watch the playlist that I compiled for you. It’s your wedding gift from Yeshua. ❤️

Shalom to all!❤️

Malachi 4:4-6
“For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the Lord of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch. But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall. And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the Lord of hosts. Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”